It dawned on me today that the ego can only exist in relation to something else, it doesn’t stand on its own legs. It also has to be seen, which isn’t bad; we all need to be seen, cherished and loved. The ego gives us strength, so that we can shine brightly and happily.
But wouldn’t it be cool if your true self or your Higher Self shone through instead? Your Higher Self is the part of you that hasn’t been put through conditioning. So instead of comparing yourself with others and having that be the reference point for the ego, align your ego with your Higher Self and all of its joy, light and potential.
This shift can be done on both feeling and mental levels. The belief that we can be more or less than the person next door is where the ego dysfunction starts. It needs comparison to exist, a point of reference.
One of my reiki teachers, William Rand, tells us that we can heal the ego so that it becomes a force for our light & purpose to shine in the world. I think the first step might be to stop comparing ourselves with others. Kabbalah tells us to look to our potential, instead of focusing on the material world and what's already been done and dusted.
A shift in perspective
Let’s try a new approach. When it comes to metrics where it feels like you've fallen short, maybe you didn’t get the job you were hoping for, fill that part of yourself with love and understanding. Don’t beat yourself up about the mistake, but do address it, and then work with the feeling of not living up to an expectation. Where does the metric come from? Say, childhood conditioning around what boxes we need to tick off? Is it relevant and necessary?
If it is still relevant, give yourself energy healing and try again. Turn your attention to your Higher Self and move in that direction - what path feels right to you? Read my book to go deeper with self awareness and intuitive healing: Chakra Healing & Magick.
Chapter 4 includes questionnaires that will get you thinking about your sense of self on a deeper level, while the sections on psychic abilities and energy healing will guide you towards your Higher Self. When we connect with our potential, from a place of inner power, we don’t have to take from others, to do well in our lives. To get there, one has to work through and with feelings, beliefs and emotions. As well as conditioning - essentially, new goal posts.
Where comparison is your friend
I am approaching this post from a point of view where we compare who is “better” in terms of one-upmanship… not in terms of relationships and healthy equitable dynamics. If we are in a one-sided dynamic, where one person is undervalued, the Higher Self will push you to reset that line. Dynamics that don't feel like a win-win are likely to fail, or leave one person dissatisfied; they are not sustainable.
A healthy ego can recognize when we overstep, and when others overstep. If someone sets too high an expectation, you have to think about whether or not it’s worth it to you. If it is not possible to have balance (and actions speak louder than words here) maybe it's best to realize we are not actually on the same team.
But in terms of one-upmanship, try to think about outdoing yourself. Your creativity taps into your full potential, and your Higher Self powers your goals more than the ego ever could. It’s also courageous, and empowered in setting boundaries. But it’s also fair, it does not need to make others small, for it to take up space. And it doesn't take advantage of others. We can't tap into that if we are focused on beating others, and all of the icky feelings that come from comparing ourselves to them. Hence the need for healing, integrating and balancing.
This is what I'm clearing now. 🍎
Reiki hugs,
Regina