Last week I had technical difficulties with my radio show. Skype malfunctioned and I had to cancel at the last minute. We ended up running the recording from my first show. It's only been a couple months since I started, and I was bummed to miss it. The funny thing is that, had this happened one month ago, I would've been secretly relieved to be off the hook for the night.
Being on air can be scary at first. It took 5-6 weeks to get past the stage fright. Now I am finally enjoying it. The main reasons I took this gig were that: a) hosting a radio show would be fun, and b) I was terrified by the idea. Speaking in public has never been one of my joys. At least on the radio, you don't see the audience and that makes it easier. Doing a weekly show is good practice.
A couple years ago, I took a class at the Kabbalah Center in London. One of the things they mentioned was how our fears became bigger whenever we run away from them. Say you are scared of skydiving. An opportunity presents itself, and even though you'd love to jump from a plane and plummet to your death float through the sky on a parachute, panic sets in. You wimp out. For a second you feel relieved. Then the adrenalin goes down and you start to feel disappointed in yourself. The next time you have a chance to skydive, the weight of that "failure" makes it even more daunting. It's only when you take the leap that your fear loses its grip on you. Skydive a few more times and you will find yourself enjoying it. The fearsome hurdle disappears.
It's also said that our greatest fears stand in the way of our greatest joys. I don't know if my joy is on the other side of this radio show, but I am enjoying myself a lot more every week. I was really disappointed to miss the show. And not the least bit relieved to be "off the hook" for the night. My first goal is done: I got past the fear. Now it's time to enjoy the show, hopefully you will too!
Reiki hugs,
Regina