Sometimes it's hard to live in the moment, especially if you have an overactive mind like I do. I think, I worry, I wonder. Am I on the right path? Do I need to make more of an effort. Will things work out the way I'd like them to? This morning, all of these questions were running through my mind while I ran through Regents Park (walked through Regents Park is probably more accurate. I need to get in shape!).
After a little while I came across a foot path with lots of beautiful flowers and a fountain. I couldn't resist the urge to sit down and meditate for a while. I thought I would let the sound of running water clear my mind, and it also dawned on me that this was the type of scene I would imagine in a guided meditation. So I sat down cross legged in front of the fountain. I started by running through the Angelic Stress Relief Meditation that I posted a while ago. Its a great way to let go of our worries; hand them over to the angels.
Then I started thinking about what I was really scared of and why. What if my healing business doesn't take off fast enough? What if I end up in a full-time marketing job again? For some reason, the thought of not making it and having to own up to that, that scares me more than actually taking a day job. It's a psychological worry, not a physical or economic one. I think I worry more about not failing publicly than anything else - though I'm not sure why I should care?
A funny thing happened in High School. I'd never been a stellar math student, and in 11th grade something clicked in my mind and I got perfect scores on all my exams. I was shocked, really, and I still don't know what happened (or why I later aced my MBA finance classes). The numbers just clicked. After a couple months, my math teacher made a big fuss when I got finally made a mistake on a quiz. I could care less if I scored a 95% instead of a 100%. But for some reason, the way she announced it to the class pushed my buttons. So I raised my hand and pointed out that she had graded it incorrectly. How obnoxious was I?
So I think this little ego of mine is what I need to work on now, more than anything else. I probably need to take myself less seriously. Even Archangel Michael tells me I need to have more of a sense of humour. =)