Last week I had my Reiki Master attunement, the third and final one. They always come with visions and flashes and this one was beautiful. I saw most of my spirit guides, angels and lots of beautiful colours mixing with shadows. The shadow part was a little uncomfortable but it was about learning to love those parts of yourself that you shy away from. It gave me the impression that I'd have to work on integrating parts of myself that I have been ignoring for a while. And it certainly did, though not in a very pleasant way. Now that I'm on the other side I can talk about the sucker punch that followed the Reiki attunement.
The attunement was last Friday, I had a wonderful couple of days and then BAM! On Tuesday afternoon I started feeling stabbing pains in my lower back. It turned out to be PMS gone haywire and though initially I was pleased not to get any cramps this month, by Wednesday morning I could hardly walk because my back hurt so much. I turned to my Angel Therapy cards to ask what it was about and three times I got the same message: Be Willing to Forgive. I also remembered Louise Hay's interpretation of pain; how it is linked to guilt and self-punishment. So I thought OK, maybe I need to forgive myself (but for what?). Anyhooo, I live in a third floor walk up with no elevator. The thought of going out was not too appealing, so I had the whole day to think about it.
I spent most of Wednesday, Thursday and Friday cocooned in my flat, contemplating my life. When I went back to the cards, out of boredom, I got one of two answers: The Sun (everything will be alright) and Be Willing to Forgive. So this is what I've been working on all week. Over the past three days I've realised that I tend to be very hard on myself and need to cut myself some slack. Be kinder and gentler with myself and less judgemental. I'm not sure where it comes from, but I think I'm harder on myself than I am on other people. That judgement turns to feelings of guilt, which turns to pain. I also got the sense that my body was mad because I hadn't fully embraced my feminine side (that's what I usually link PMS to in general - rejecting the natural feminine cycle and the strength, power and beauty that you can find in it).
It was also hard because the week has been absolutely beautiful and I wanted to be outside enjoying the sun. My intuition (or my angels) would respond with "chill out" and "don't rush back into things - you need to take a time out for yourself." And so I have. The past couple weeks I've also received the intuitive message to cut back on sugar and coffee and when I looked up my PMS symptoms on WebMd - those two came up as the main culprits for horrible back pain and cramps haha. Next time I'll listen when body says ENOUGH! I also pulled an Archangel Michael card that said "You've created this situation, you can heal it" and that was an interesting one to get too. Anyhooo, I am going to see my GP on Monday just to be sure I am OK physically though I feel much better now and think it was a post Reiki Healing Crisis.
This has been a good week for me overall. I spent a lot of time watching interviews on Youtube. You can learn a lot about people, art and how to follow your own path by listening to what others have done and experienced. Especially in the alternative and creative side which I am exploring now. Sometimes you can also glimpse intuition and soul purpose as the driving force behind someone's success, especially when they talk about going against the current and feeling compelled to do their own thing. That was reassuring. This healing crisis helped me find my bearings professionally and personally. Whenever I asked what was going on I got this feeling of calmness and the message to let go, not rush things and relax =)